” it’s twelve o’clock and I need your attention… ” I continued to sing and play my guitar. The recording booth seemed emptier than the Vegas strip at seven in the morning. I’m hoping the producers on the other side will connect with the words Vive written. “keeping me hopeless until I wake tomorrow… ” I tried to hold back the tears as a recall that night I drove off into the endless Vegas sky, leaving everything I knew growing up, family and long time friends.

Up until a few months ago, all I knew was that small two-story house, the CUL De sac where I broke my arm skate boarding, that title front porch where Ariel would make me play princess with her. “so say good night, our first goodbye… ” I had to ask for a break, if there is one thing I hate almost as much as leaving my family months ago, it’s having others see me cry. I don’t really know why I packed my bag and left that night. I mean I know why I left, I Just wonder if I did it for the right reasons. Did I do it for the right reasons? Walking out on my family like that to pursue my dreams, was it the best thing to do?

I wonder if Mom heard one of my songs on the radio yet, if she even recognized that t was her baby boy singing the melodies. Does Dad still think this is some crazy dream that Vive been chasing? Or will he be proud of the man Vive finally become? I hope they can forgive me for Just leaving them. And little Ariel, I hope she understands that it was never her fault, that she was why it took me so long to leave. I never wanted or meant to hurt her. Her innocence was always something I was jealous of, and it amazed me how for such a young girl she understood so much more about the world than I ever did.

After talking with one of my band mates, Brian about our new song and the meaning Enid, I realized what I needed to do. I had to go back to the life I had left, I’d have to face everyone I left. It didn’t take long to pack the duffel I had brought with me that night I had brought with me that night months ago. I finally built up the courage two hours later to physically start my car and leave. Three hundred and twenty- seven miles from my small studio flat to the house I grew up in. Out of boredom, I turned the radio on and to 104. 7; it didn’t take long to recognize the voice as my own playing over the airwaves. Are you sure now? Don’t bother packing, Just leave… At that point, I had to pull over, not even twenty minutes away from my apartment and I was already regretting this trip. My tears had begun to fog up my Ray Bans and make the road ahead of me blurry. I mean, what if they don’t even recognize me. What if they don’t even want to see me? I reached over and turned off the radio, I’d rather be left to my own thoughts, then have my own lyrics remind me of the pain. Three hundred and fifteen miles to go before I reach that endless Vegas sky.

I can’t stop thinking about those times when Ariel would sneak down the hall into my room o hear me play after bed time, or the day she unknowingly helped me get a date to senior prom. I hope she’s not angry still from the night I left. Saying goodbye to her was by far the hardest thing I have ever done. Kissing her goodnight as I tucked her in that night to bed tort the last time, kissing nerd goodbye . She turned nine last month, I hope she got her princess fairies party that she wanted. You know, Vive written her a letter every week since Vive left, telling her about the Los Angles life.

I just can find the courage to send them I guess. I guess maybe I’m not the man my family wanted. Two hundred and fifty miles to go, and I think I am going to be sick. I know I should probably stop, find somewhere to eat, and sleep until morning, but I’m afraid if I stop now I won’t find the courage to continue in the morning. Vive been working on the song I was recording though, the words are finally starting to come together I guess. I mean, I wrote so many songs about leaving and trying to find my place on my own I guess it’s time I started writing about picking up the pieces and making it right.