Every year over one million children under the age of 18 are affected by divorce in the United States; we have the second highest divorce rate in the world. Compared to children who are raised in a household with both their mom and dad, the children of divorce “will not observe and have no chance to learn how to create a long term loving relationship, how to resolve family conflict, how to build trust, when to compromise, when to stand firm, how to choose a lover, and how to commit to another with realistic hope that it can last,” according to Judith Wallflowers a divorce psychologist.
Girls however will also become sexually active earlier, become involved with drugs and alcohol, and “silently suffer” causing more issues to resurface later in life. Daughters of divorce have the hardest time because they are most burdened by the trust issues, lack of father figure, and self confidence that come from the divorce. These reactions come from this traumatic change in their life and it manifests into their behavior. Expectations Our society already expects a lot out of young ladies, to look perfect, dress perfect, act reflect, and eventually create a perfect life with their husband.
This creates self confidence issues in girls and then they are expected to remain stable during a major change in their homelike. After a divorce girls are put in a leadership position around the house, they become a “nurturer” and take on household duties so the parent can get back on their feet. According to Lisa Beeline, “mothers and fathers of divorce know that with a daughter, they’ll never be lonely or without help. ” This causes the girls to grow up faster and take on responsibilities that boys and kids of non divorced aren’t do not have to deal with.
Girls will put on a strong face for the family and by doing this they “suffer silently’ and be the “good girl” our culture has taught them to be but later in life they can develop in depth self esteem issues, become extremely needy, constantly Jump from one bad relationship to the next and also be emotionally immature. Lack of Father Figure Seventy-five percent of children with divorced parent’s live with their mother. This meaner that they little or no contact with their father while growing up.
This lack of attention from their father can cause girls to act out and look for look for attention elsewhere, some will attach themselves to a new group of friends who either drink or do drugs. “Girls commonly think that divorce is a “personal rejection from her father” making her look for protection and love from a sexual relationship,” says Leslie Jameson Pediatric Psychologist. This leads to multiple other issues since they become sexually active too early they can also find themselves caught up in an abusive or unhealthy relationship.
Girls will also not be exposed to a successful relationship growing up so later in life they will try to create one on their own in whatever way they can, in order to tell loved and needed. “This also leads to them getting married and having kids too early, give birth out of wedlock and also get divorced,” according to Jameson. *(Single parent’s, 1995- 2020 statistics in chart above) When it comes to boys of divorce they are also affected by this change in their family dynamics but they react in a much different way. “According to studies, girls buffer silently through divorce and years later must deal with the resurfacing painful emotions.
Boys however, can become hostile and aggressive but once talking through their emotions learn to let it go and move on,” according to Robert Emory family psychologist. As I stated earlier studies have shown that over a third of divorced children end up living with their mothers and boys tend to be more open to their mother eventually re-marrying than daughters are. “Boys want their mother to be in a functional relationship”, says Leslie Jameson, “So boys can pass on the responsibility o the new husband, while girls don’t like the replacement of attention from them to a new man. Therapist and psychologists can agree girls have more short term and long term issues from divorce than boys. Girls today are already dealt a tough hand in life and then their parent’s divorce is thrown at them too it puts so much more pressure on them. While boys on the other hand receive the pity effect and are allowed to be upset and act out with it being acceptable. I think that our culture is the problem and that as a society we all need to change. As divorce rates continue to increase in the
